While I sit here trying to comprehend how to verbalize my thoughts, I am plagued with an uncharacteristic silence. Why am I unable to control my thoughts? My mind has become a muddle of thoughts and emotions that have caused me to become my biggest obstacle. The more I try to break my mental walls, the more I realize the limitations I have placed on myself.
Growing up, “I can’t” became a constant statement in my vocabulary and it stemmed deeply from fear. A fear of being socially rejected. A fear of being out casted for my thoughts and opinions. And a fear of growing into someone who could be remembered for many years. Why was I limiting my growth and creating roadblocks for myself? In retrospect, I made my shortcomings the focal point of my attention. My mind would constantly spin into thoughts of personal failures. Failures in relationships. Failures in my education and the workplace. Through constantly focusing on areas where I wasn’t succeeding I unintentionally confirmed “I can’t” in my mind. I was doing a great disservice to myself, and realized that I needed to re-evaluate myself. Was this misplaced fear actually a fear of succeeding in a realm that was unknown to me?
The more I opened up to the people around me regarding my personal battle, the more I realized that we’re all one in the same. We all play mind games with ourselves and create mental blocks that prevent us from being great. A friend of mine once told me that while applying for scholarships at school she would talk herself out of applying because she felt that she wouldn’t get them. Why was she so afraid? The worst outcome was that she would receive a response of “no”. She believes it was the fear of rejection that prevented her from taking the leap of faith to apply and learning that she wasn’t good enough. However, I believe that it was because she knew she was great enough to receive it and that receiving the scholarship would push her into a new world, away from the life she was accustomed to.
I recently came across a quote by Marianne Williamson that read “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us”. Through my discussions with people I’ve learned we need to learn to overcome our fear of success and challenge ourselves to be great. We need to stop playing mind games with ourselves and push ourselves into unfamiliar territory. What’s the worst that can happen?