It’s been a while since I’ve posted in the blogosphere, and I’ve missed it. It’s not that I haven’t had anything to say, I promise you there is plenty. However, the words have been held captive in the depth of my mind. The thoughts, they swirl around my brain like the paint on a painter’s palette, intertwined, defined and not defined at the same time.
I recently achieved one of my biggest goals, and while I should be over the moon about this achievement, I feel hollow inside. I’m not quite sure what this void is, but it exists. I almost feel as though I am having an out of body experience. I can see myself going through the motions of living my life, however I don’t feel them. It’s very confusing.
Don’t misunderstand me, I’m very happy in my life. I am not upset or sad, but I don’t feel that I am fully engaged in my life. I’m not indulging in my emotions the way I think I should. It’s almost as though I am moving through life with a “proceed with caution” mentality. Scared that my life is in such a great place, that if you throw a rock at it, it will shatter.
It’s a scary feeling. One that I need to learn how to overcome. Perhaps it will go away over time, perhaps I need to speak to someone, who knows. But I need to find a way to enjoy my life. I’ve worked hard for the life I am building for myself, and I need to enjoy it!