Words. Chains. Shackles. Suffocate.
I’m sitting here trying to complete what can only be described as the tedious task of writing this blog post and suddenly I feel as though I can’t breathe. Why won’t the words leave my mind and find their way to the blank page in front of me? I’m struggling to find the words to explain my emotions. I feel trapped. Words are floating sporadically around my mind. They don’t make any sense. What is bothering me? Why can’t I just speak my mind?
Am I afraid of the raw honesty of my thoughts? Am I being pessimistic. Perhaps it’s the latter. I feel frustrated.
Recently, I’ve had people lie directly to me and it’s been a very disheartening experience. I value words. They allow people to connect and build a sense of community. When people misuse words to withhold the truth, they create invisible barriers that otherwise wouldn’t exist. I don’t understand why people isolate themselves or others. The whole situation can be avoided with a dose of honesty. I don’t think that is too much to ask.
Maybe people lie to create barriers? Maybe they subconsciously lie because they want to break ties with people, because after all, lies are daggers. You can sew the wounds, but the stitches will always be visible. You can’t hide what is on display. No amount of makeup will ever cover them up.
Maybe the truth is simply that people lie. Perhaps they lie because they are too weak to stand up for themselves. Or maybe they lie because they are human, and a human’s innate nature is to look out for themselves first. They lack any regard for the person they are lying to.
It’s disappointing when you invest yourself in relationships, only to learn that they weren’t worth the investment. That the people you overlooked were more worthy of your time. They valued you and instead, you elected to waste your time with people who weren’t deserving of it.
We live in a narcissistic world, where people are starting to look out for number one first. I’m not sure when we went from living as a community to only thinking of ourselves. But I’m done with it. I would rather spend my time with people who are think like me, and value people the way I do. Who chose not to lie just because it is convenient.
2017, people are going to see a very different version of me. I’m learning from their example and if they don’t like it, there are more than a billion other people on the planet, we’re not lacking for people we can have relationships with.