Looks Can Be Deceiving

I look so happy in this picture, but looks can be deceiving. No one knew it at the time, but I was battling a mental battle I never imagined I would be fighting.

This morning in particular, I woke up and had a panic attack. I followed that up with a very tearful shower. I was petrified to go to this party. It was the first banquet hall party I was going to with my 4 month old son.

The music would be loud and I didn’t know how I would be able to disguise having a mental breakdown.

Sure enough, right before we joined in a wedding dance known as the ‘jago’, my son started to cry uncontrollably, and I had a mental breakdown. I was dressed to the nines and my bangles were bothering him. I couldn’t hold him in a comfortable position. I pulled off my bangles, which were too small. You see, my hands had grown while I was pregnant and I didn’t realize until the day of the event. So I forced the bangles on, and when it came time to peel them off, it hurt. But I didn’t care! I wanted to console my son.

The next morning I woke up and my hands were so swollen and bruised that I had to alternate between an ice pack and heating pad all day.

But you would never know about my mental struggle by looking at this picture.

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