Anxiety

Waking up in the middle of the night,

Feeling an all too familiar feeling.

I’m gasping for air

But i’m not taking any in.

I try to steady myself.

Just focus on my breath.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

It’s not working,

I’m suffocating.

Why does this keep happening?

Why do I feel so vulnerable and exposed?

I feel as though the world is judging me

And I’m consumed with insecurities.

I think I am a good person,

My intentions are pure.

But I suffer from a case of word vomit

Where I can’t help but be honest.

My truth is my truth,

Perhaps that is my downfall.

I speak from the heart,

I vocalize my thoughts,

I seek understanding and guidance

With a little dose of support.

Why do I feel so disappointed in myself?

Why do I feel so frustrated?

Why do I feel as though I’m letting people down?

I feel as though I’m living in a glass box at the edge of a cliff.

One wrong step,

I fall and everything shatters.

My failures are front and center for everyone to see.

If only I could catch my breath then everything would be okay.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

It’s not working.

I’m suffocating.

I’m in a state of panic.

I want this feeling to go away.

I want to go back to feeling like myself again.

Who have I become as a person?

I don’t recognize this person.

I used to be so confident and reassured.

But this person,

She’s different.

This person dissects her every action.

Criticizes her every thought.

She creates insecurities where there should be none.

I try to steady myself.

Just focus on my breath.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

It’s starting to work.

I can see that these insecurities aren’t real,

Just made up scenarios in my mind.

My mind is playing tricks on me,

And I can’t let it win.

I think I am a good person,

My intentions are pure.

But I suffer from a case of word vomit

Where I can’t help but be honest.

My truth is my truth,

And there is nothing wrong with that.

I want to learn and grow as a person,

But I can only do that if I’m myself.

I can’t do that by masking myself form the world,

I can’t do that being someone else.

I need to be confident in myself,

And not allow my mind to control me.

The mind is a dangerous thing,

When it acts like your enemy.

Anxiety.

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